What I Learned From Not Being The Smartest Female in Engineering!
Do you know the difference between confidence and courage?
I didn’t—not at first.
While researching online, I stumbled on the program from my 1983 graduation from University of Notre Dame. Scanning the list of thousands of graduate names made me remember my college persona. I was a part-time hermit spending all my weeknights studying in my dorm, and weekends at parties or football games. I was not the cutest girl, nor the most popular, and definitely not the smartest. I even ran for Student Body Vice President in my junior year. I lost.
In the program, I scanned the names in the Mechanical Engineering section (my degree). So many of them forgotten. Even those who graduated with honors didn’t stick in my memory. Why would they? They were more focused than I was, probably not out at all the parties I was.
Yet, my career was fantastic and I’m very happy with where I’m at now.
My grades at Notre Dame were ok, not great. Good enough to land me a job at NASA, but not great enough to earn any shoutout in the graduation program.
When I started at NASA, I was not entirely sure I was fully qualified. I really thought NASA hired me because at the time they needed more women. It rattled me because I let my past write the script for my future. Confidence is determined from a rear-facing perspective.
Had I stayed focused on that rear-view, I would have stayed stuck. What do you do when you feel stuck?
Confidence must be replaced with courage.
Courage is doing what’s hard, stepping up when things don’t always look up. It’s saying yes to a next step, even if you’re not sure what the step after that looks like. It’s a quiet (though sometimes terrifying) certainty that even if it hurts or doesn’t work out, it’s the right thing to do.
Stepping through challenges with confidence feels smooth. Stepping through them with courage is bumpy, messy, scary.
I didn’t graduate with honors, and I felt incompetent. But I faithfully showed up for work at NASA and kept putting one foot in front of the other. I wish I could say I had some “burning bush” or lightening strike episode that manufactured this courage, but I didn’t. I had great coworkers and bosses who nurtured me and created a camaraderie that buoyed my ebbing courage and confidence. I borrowed courage from those around me who believed I could do it. I watched them model courage. We were working on novel ideas and technology that nobody had explored, pushing the boundaries of propulsion in a way that felt more like science fiction than science. I don’t think anyone felt 100% confident. But insatiable curiosity created unstoppable courage. I watched them, and it helped me turn up volume on the inner voice that said, “You don’t need to feel ready. Just take the next step.”
Thinking back on my graduation, I know some students walked the stage with honors. Many more walked it with courage. And that’s what will carry you through your next steps, taking you to a place you cannot yet imagine.
Many people think that the answer to overcoming impostor syndrome is to beef up their confidence. In my keynote I say that impostor syndrome is not a lack of confidence. It’s a limit of confidence. It’s a limit because something changes. Impostor syndrome always screams the loudest in times of change and transition. And when confidence is limited, courage must take over.
Don’t strive to increase confidence. Strive to move with courage.
Confidence looks back. Courage moves forward.
Confidence requires assurance to move. Courage creates assurance in the move.
Confidence is rooted in competence. Courage is rooted in character.
Confidence leans into familiarity. Courage leans into discomfort.
Confidence says, “I’ve done this before.” Courage says “I don’t know, but I’ll try.”
Forty-two years later, I see that life isn’t a continuation of a class ranking. It’s not about who was most popular, or who had the highest GPA. It’s about who kept going. Who risked. Who said yes to the next unknown.
Confidence looks good on a resume. But courage is what builds a life… and keeps building it, one brave step at a time.